Please, God, let the apathy disappear.
I’m going to act conceited and selfish once more, but kindly allow me to rant (once more) because my schooldays have gone increasingly vapid, and in a sense have become worthless to me. I know and recognize that I am in utmost danger from succumbing to the call of becoming a freeter, but circumstances in my family won’t allow that; to be more exact, however, I won’t allow that. Despite having become increasingly disillusioned with myself I would not want to sink in a quagmire of intense guilt will I not continue with my studies, for the burden of me studying in a place far from home (despite having free tuition in a prestigious school [supposedly]) is heavy enough for them. I cannot bear seeing them still working in their old age despite having passed the age for retirement, and I will never forgive myself if I cannot return the nurturing that they gave me while I was growing up. (Such is really the problem of marrying late.) I even wrote a haiku.Â
Fireflies dance and waltz
Under the moonless black night
As it dims away
This week marks our finals week, and I haven’t even opened a single page of my Theology textbook. Perhaps I detest studying because my passion towards my course and its subjects has waned through time; perhaps because it wasn’t there in the first place; but really, I simply think that it’s absurd to read a 300-page book and get its gist without having forgotten significant information along the way. I could not memorize such a book in three days, and I will not attempt to. If that isn’t borderline stupidity, I don’t know what is.
That’s it for the introduction.
* * *
What I really want to write about was how realistic NHK ni Youkoso! was especially when you’ve finally fit yourself into the shoes of its characters. Hope and optimism is what keeps most people from the edge, but if everything just stacks up against one it’s quite difficult avoiding a breakdown, as what happened to Satou. In such desperate and sordid circumstances, with a lack of confidence in both oneself and society, one can’t blame him for his fall. Although I once thought that four years is an extremely protracted time for simply sticking to being a NEET, I realized that one when cannot see a glimpse of hope in his life it’s very hard to take a step forward; the castigating society with its leering eyes certainly don’t help. I rescind my statements about NHK being unrealistic, then. It’s among the best anime and yet among the most painful ones to watch because the characters sink deeper and deeper into the maw of hopelessness, and are having a harder and harder time escaping it.
I realized it when I myself became stuck with anime, PC gaming, but not with school. I’m forgetting all about it, and all I could hope for is not to fail. For the following exams, however, I will study. (I hope.)