For despair is the sickness unto death …
As I’ve mentioned in my previous write-ups I have successfully tried and stifled (if only by a little bit) my overeagerness and addiction to playing DotA. I have also started focusing once more on my studies as well as tried to become more sociable to my amiable dorm mates: for me, at least, it seemed as if I had started life anew. Problems with the motivation to study, however, still arose (and keep on arising) within me. I chose my schedule so that I had no classes every Friday which would allow me to study more or to do more research regarding the different subjects I am taking this semester. Today was that very first Friday of supposedly scholastic utility; my resolve, however, wasn’t as inflexible as my schedule was. I spent about six hours playing DotA despite my sheer disinterest in it (and this is said in all honesty) as I did not want to stay in my room and I also did not want to study. Much could have been done within those six hours; I, however, decided to revel among the different heroes and heroines duking and juking each other out in DotA. Yet I was not pumped, however, in the least, despite the fact that when I used the heroes I was accustomed to I owned; neither was I amused, however, when we were losing because the hero I was using was not viable against good team play of the opposing team. I was using Pit Lord, and whenever I used that hero we lost. Yet that still did not interest me.
Some commentators noted that I needed to branch out or at least to return to the interests I had some years ago. I am doing so at this very moment in my life: I have tried rereading The Sound and the Fury, and started on The Sickness unto Death. I have tried socializing and opening myself up to others with positive results, and most importantly, I have tried to be who I really am. But before this introduction becomes the main topic of discussion â€“ I have also forgotten to watch more anime.
I have noticed and I have realized that my viewing of anime has drastically decreased once I became addicted to DotA, but I really want to return and dive as well as explore the new series anime has to offer. The problem is that one only has 24 hours to do everything he needs as well as he wants to do, and for the most part I (as that one) could not even fit anime-viewing into that schedule (and that is without DotA for the most part, because the most games I play in a weekday [except this Friday] is one). It is to my regret that we have terror professors who expect the most astute knowledge from the most obscure of things in their fields. Because I am trying to excel once again, I have to spend more time reading and studying simply to grasp that â€œthatâ€ that they are looking for. Had I thirty hours in a day I would not hesitate spending the six extra hours on anime, but being at school the whole day just takes so much from you (not to mention there is the homework that will be due sooner or later). But I still will try; I still will persevere, because I cannot accept the fact that I have gone back on anime, that I have given up on it simply because my life has become more iridescent. I just can’t keep a schedule well, and that vexes me immensely.
I will also still watch Mononoke. I will smite myself if I couldn’t.
(I’m trying to write an entry regarding anime in and of itself, without personal insights and experiences, but I seem to have run out of ideas. If you can suggest some I would be grateful.)