I would have had updated were it not for a lack of an Internet connection. Storms and typhoons are ubiquitous around Manila, which is where I am located right now. This absence contributed, in no small part, to my lack of knowledge as regards the occurrences in anime fandom. With Internet cafes, however, I have tried to broaden my appreciation of media aside from anime.

On Korean and Japanese dramas

I have chanced upon a good Korean drama, Resurrection, and since then I’ve viewed (one of them still ongoing) roughly three Korean dramas. I find that although Korean dramas are relatively more emotional than their Japanese counterparts (at least from what I have had seen), they’re also more blessed with beautiful girls. The only lady I find to be beautiful in Japanese drama is Nakama Yukie; there is a replete of great-looking Korean ladies who can definitely act, however. In some dramas there may be bathos because of the emotional nature of Korean dramas, from what I have seen, but I still prefer the rawness of emotions in these dramas rather than the taut, constrained, and slow effusion of pathos from the Japanese dramas I’ve seen. This is, of course, is only a matter of taste, but the slow effusion of pathos and the piecemeal revelations I often see in Japanese drama belong more properly in books. Kawabata and his contemporaries evoke this kind of pathos, a brushlike suggestiveness, very well in their novels. I’m not saying that Japanese drama is inferior, though. Perhaps I just prefer ostentation more when it comes to drama.

Pessoa’s aesthete

These realizations have given me time to reflect upon myself. I guess Pessoa couldn’t have said it better: from his words, I’m the observant yet detached aesthete. I like to see and perceive love; I love to see and observe beauty; but I prefer to only see them, for there is something in touching them that desecrates them. There is, actually, in my hands, a defiling filth that cannot be easily removed: I love to glance upon wonderful paintings, but there is something in me touching them that removes that perfection: perhaps it is humanity, I myself remain unsure.

Introspecting even further, I have always been fond of watching other people’s relationships grow (as friends, lovers, or husband and wife), but I have been unable to exhort myself to try one. On the contrary, I have grown to be more and more apathetic regarding these things in relation to myself. I do not know if I am afraid: maybe I am, but I am sure that I am avoidant of such things because I believe that I will only defile them if I dip my hand into them. Or maybe I may not have found she who flutters my heart. Or maybe I may have had found her, but I keep denying my emotions. I am simply afraid that there will come a day when I am totally comfortable being only the observant aesthete.

I am scared: for if I grow content of simply observing, of simply loving the idea of love and not loving loving itself, I shall be alone sooner or later. Yet this contentment that bursts forth of simply watching other people be happy is enough for me, at least for now.

6 Responses to “Auto-aesthetics”

  1. Retsgip Says:

    Wow, only find the Gokusen teacher lady to be beautiful? I find some of the younger actresses to strike my fancy now and then. Unfortunately, the boys always seem to be the better looking sex in most dramas. Maybe that’s because, oh that’s right, drama’s are aimed at females aren’t they?

    There’s a psychological theory (I forget the name) which states that people who have self-esteem issues sometimes have trouble joining groups. The reasons behind it are different than what you’re talking about but for some reason it reminded me of it.

    “Any group who is willing to take in someone as unacceptable as me is surely not that great of a group.”

    Different yet similar.


  2. Michael Says:

    RETSY! It’s been a while.

    digiwombat introduced me to Harada Natsuki, and she certainly strikes my fancy. The thing is, I may have self-esteem issues, but whenever I report or do something that is needed I am all confidence. But with regard to the theory, I don’t think it’s because of that.

    I primarily think that I avoid entrenching myself in such things simply because I don’t think I can cherish a beauty as much whenever I immerse myself into it. I think this has some psychological bases, but I don’t know what they are. Haha, shoot me. D:

  3. Janice Says:

    Hm personally i find I like Jdramas better than kdramas if i want comedy (I dont particularly like sad stories… as most kdramas are :P) so yeh i reckon its personal taste.

    haha I’d say there’s a lot of pretty boys in jdramas what with such a large female fan base :p although there’re quite a few good looking and decent female Japanese actors around.

  4. meganeshounen Says:

    Gah. Only live action shows I watch nowadays would be the usual tokusatsu… Guess that doesn’t relate.
    But I still watch the usual JDorama like Gokusen and GTO, though I liked the live action portrayal for the first, as compared to the second.

    Personally, I can relate to the feeling of being an “outsider” on relationships… Maybe it’s that feeling of “if my friends are happy, then I should be happy for them”. Nothing out of jealousy though. I just think that I’m not fit for those things. Heck, hampered emotions ftw.

    Or maybe I’m just plain scared. w/e.

    Back to my animu/manga.

  5. NovaJinx Says:

    Love is one of those things that are impossible to categorize whether it’s good or bad. As a feeling, love can be both the best thing you’ve ever felt and the most hellish torture you’ve ever been through. The thing is, we otaku tend to be romantic people – forgive me for generalizing – and by the course of time grow more and more cynical, as the true life proves our naïve romantic expectations worthless. I’ve long lost my interest in having a relationship, as the cynical bastard inside has become dominant enough to rule over my emotional side. I’m not questioning the claim that love can bring great depth and happiness to one’s life – however, is that really all there is to life? I don’t believe – or at least want to believe – in such claim.
    Remember that in the past the society was greatly dependent on constant steady production of workforce and as such relationships were not only considered as preferable – but as a duty and obligation for your country and family. But this mentality is rapidly changing in the modern culture where the need for vast masses of workforce on farms and factories are no longer needed. Relationship and having a family are becoming a personal choice, a matter of preference, and losing their role as inevitable obligations towards one’s peers.
    How does this relate to love then? Don’t feel obligated to love or have relationships just because most of other people do. I’m not saying that you should abstain from these but I advice you to think, as there are other options. And don’t think all people in love or in a relationship are happy; surprisingly often it’s actually on the contrary and they may be envious of you for being free of torturing feelings or difficult relationship matters.
    In my home country majority of marriages will fail due to when the couple reaches the age group 35-40. Partly this depressing result is due to the fact that people can’t hold themselves back. People are too hasty and rush into marriage without thinking things over or get to know their other half better. So just take your time, there’s no rush. There are many things that you can only do when you’re young and still free, getting yourself bound to another person is something you can do at any point in life. And remember that by spectating you actually can get the most objective image of a game.

  6. Kirk Kahler Says:

    Thanks for writing the article. I didn’t think abort it ever before.

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