My dÃ©sorbitation with anime
DÃ©sorbitation is a French word that no English word can represent or symbolize: the closest to it in the English language is misplacement. It suggests a movement, however, that is more violent. Instead of a temporary loss of place (which is connoted by misplacement), it is a total ejection and disjunction from the path which one is used to following. That is the reason why I used dÃ©sorbitation instead of misplacement. There are some actions and meanings which the English language can only represent rudimentarily. Before I start with the body of my post, however, I give thanks to RyanA over at AloeDream. Thank you for your kind words.
It is ironic, for a lot of people think the most clearly in the presence of the most harrowing adversities. Poe could only write his horror stories inebriated. Without the poison of alcohol, he could barely even write anything. I guess the only thing I can posit regarding this phenomenon is that one can see the storm’s eye clearly only when there are tempests.
Indeed, I think that my life right now is a typhoon: it is a wash of unsated desires; it is a cocktail of hope and despair; but really, it isn’t colorful enough to be given more than passing mention. I am suffering from acute conjunctivitis (which forbids me to go to school), and a vapid taste in my mouth from a lack of interest of currently-airing anime.
I am scared: anime has been my love and at times an object of fixation (and still remains to be), but I don’t enjoy it as much anymore. I guess there comes a time when one sees everything as clichÃ©s despite the fact that everything is clichÃ©d. I wish to awaken from this lack of passion towards what has been the object of my affection for five years already. And passion, when used in the Heideggerian sense, is not the ebullition of emotion but is rooted in paschein â€“ an object which is to be suffered and to be borne by. I haven’t ‘suffered’ enough anime recently, and I haven’t ‘borne’ its shortcomings. I have simply run away from it. I wish to reconnect myself with it, but I will first wait. I will wait, when, maybe, next season, there will be some anime that are pertinent to my tastes: I will wait, when, maybe, I have extirpated the weeds of apathy regarding this object which I have so dearly loved these past five years and have grown in my heart to be something that is inextricable from me. Maybe my tastes simply don’t coincide with most of the anime right now.
I wish to take the plunge and to leap, faithfully, and once more immerse myself in its waters. Right now, however, I am content to admit what I am feeling: the destruction of denial is the first step of acceptance. A pars destruens must always be accompanied by a pars construens. To destroy is to rebuild.