Is addiction better than cure?
I am a person who possesses a lot of discipline with regard to the things I deem important: for example, I am rarely late at meetings, and it has come to my attention that I am usually the first to arrive at the rendezvous point. I also exercise when I deem myself needing it, and I also have discipline to submit pertinent requirements on time. However, I still lack discipline with certain things, and most important among those are my wanton purchases on eBay. Despite the helpful comments that people have suggested in my previous elaboration of this quasi-addiction of mine, I have not been able to successfully conquest this demon of spending on unnecessary things. I have purchased some more video games the past month, in addition to purchasing a vintage set of headphones (which, to my dismay, are uncomfortable despite having good sound).
I am not worrying that I will sink into debt: I have saved a significant amount during my college years just to account for my whims in the future. I am worried, however, that I will keep on spending despite the fact that I know my parents are not having an easy time with our current finances. There are so many things that one can want; there are only very few that one actually needs. I want to integrate this idea within myself so that I will no longer desire or fawn over things that are ultimately unnecessary as well as a waste of good money. Each of my vintage games serves as a reminder of the money that I have wasted: I am just hoping that I keep these reminders to mind and no longer seek for other vintage video games whose proper place is in the past, or at least heed these reminders until such time when I have proper income to spend on these items.
These current missteps have led me into reflecting upon myself and consequently on the nature of addiction. I am but a mere student, so I cannot qualify the different nuances of addiction but only relate it with regard to myself and my empirical observations on it.
In the past year, I sought to wean myself out of anime not because I hated the medium (I loved it, and still love it), but because I knew of the upcoming rigors of medical school. I did not realize by then that addiction does not really completely disappear in a human being; it only rather jumps from one point to another, as with anime and vintage video gaming. I stopped watching anime because I knew it would waste a lot of time, and I sought for alternatives to channel this addiction. Instead, my love for anime became transmogrified into a desire to collect vintage video games, games that I know I will not play or use in the long run, but merely collect.
I have always loved video games, but I never explored its history beforehand. I am personally more attracted to the quirks and idiosyncrasies of video games rather than the tried-and-true consoles, and that was what led me to obtaining the Casio Loopy. The rest started from there, and while I can rein in my desire for the time being it remains to be undeniable that I just want to log-in to eBay every once in a while and explore the different unique games of the past.
I think I want to be driven by anime once more, because despite its time-consuming nature it is a very economical hobby, especially if one merely watches the anime and is not driven to purchase figurines or any of its corresponding merchandise. I may be called a cheat, and perhaps even a pirate, but at least in the long run I will not be a threat to my family’s well-being, as what my current perfunctoriness is doing.
I know it is quite impossible to stop purchasing on eBay just like that. That is the reason why my post is titled as such: while going cold turkey is difficult, my suffering would be eased just by channeling whatever symptoms of withdrawal that may arise to watching anime. If I want to search for a cool old system, game, or console, I will just watch another episode of anime. I think that I have used medical school as an excuse of not watching anime, when, in all reality it is only death that stops man from doing anything ultimately. There will be time to watch anime so long as I have love for it: it does not matter whether I am studying to be a doctor or a lawyer or a researcher, as long as I still have love in doing something, I will have time to do it.
Of course I still have to rely on hope and perseverance in order to accomplish this weaning out of my shopping addiction. It is very possible, though, seeing that it is not a stoppage of addiction that I am after (that will certainly take a lot of time), but a transference of addiction, an atavistic channeling to my addiction of the past, which has been anime. With this said, I hope one will keep on reading and participating in this site, as I will also try to update more and try to return to the vein of writing that has made me relatively known in the blogosphere.
Have any of you guys experience a biting form of addiction other than anime? Has anime been much of a bane to your life as well? Or has it made life more tolerable for you, providing an escape, and thus feeding your addiction? Have you fared well in life even without anime? A board on 4chan specified a term, ‘ronery,’ for people who find more in life in anime than in the realities of their situation. Do you feel like that? Ultimately, I ask the question: is any addiction really better than a realistic, definitive, weaning-out cure?