A matter of perspective

I know this isn’t the Chicken Soup for the Soul website, but I just wanted to share something personal today (it also ties in tangentially to my dearth of updates within these past few weeks). I was never a moralistic person, but I just wanted to share a part of myself today.

I have had a rough week.

Nah.

Let me be entirely honest: to say that I have had a rough week is a little bit of an understatement, as it has only been one interminable disappointment. Imagine passing through a well-cemented road for the better part of the month only to transition, without any warning, into a pockmarked road with pebbles and rocks as its pimples.

I think it came to a head yesterday evening: I promised to swear myself off eBay and shifted my pastime into once again enjoying DotA, when I checked my e-mail a little into today’s early morning hours. What I saw was an absolute steal: there was an auction for untested Super Micro cartridges (yes, the system that I have been bragging about and obtained with the help of Crusader and Angelus), and they were all only for 15 dollars. I thought that was a very justifiable reason to break my avoidance of eBay as I have hunted for those cartridges for quite some time, only to discover that when I clicked the buy-it-now (about an hour and a half passed) it was already sold.

I was devastated, to say the least.

I really thought it was going to be the break I needed from all the disaster I have experienced in the past few weeks. On the contrary, however, it just added to my disappointments. I had a hard time sleeping and was very depressed: I even hoped that it would be resold for a still affordable price; I hoped that the systems didn’t work (since I think they were included too), but it nevertheless really struck me that I was just an hour and a half too late. I could have checked my mail at that exact time it came out, but I didn’t, and it just ate on me.

I am trying to be more mature as a person, however, and as such, I wanted to move on. I wanted to curse God yesterday, but it wasn’t His fault; I wanted to curse myself, but I could never know what was in store in my e-mail, and I really can’t fault happenstances as well. They just happen, whether one likes it or not.

The incident soured my mood the entire day, but I had already coped and moved forward somewhat by sharing this individual, but stupid plight to my friends. Having an emotional net of support is one of the best ways to cope, and I utilized it during the day.

I stopped think about the innocuous failures of my week, however, when one of my friends told me that one of my other friends’ grandmother killed herself. I was so malcontent with the accumulation of my little failures that I couldn’t even celebrate my health, the circumstances I was living in, my triumph against pneumonia little more than a month ago, and just life in general.

She was suffering from a terminal disease in her lungs. She probably couldn’t have borne it any longer, because she killed herself. I can’t imagine how shallow my devastation was compared to my friend’s disintegration. There will be the questions, but there will never be the answers, or they will never be answered completely, and that’s more tragic than any fucking vintage video game I want to collect. I felt so stupid when I knew this.

Don’t get me wrong, I would have loved to have bought that game lot cheaply. But beyond these material pursuits, beyond even one of my most outstanding pursuits, wisdom, I think one idea should be pursued above all the rest: it is the idea of perspective. Man was born to be discontented and incapable of enjoying what he currently has. He always forgets that every day he lives is another gift of fate, or God.

All he needs, however, is a matter of perspective: some people are worse off than us, even if we feel that we have had the hardest luck at that specific point in our lives. I think that if everyone imbibed and live this idea, there will still be discontentment and disappointment, but everyone can move forward in their lives and accept the good as well as the bad.

No life is ever rose-colored, whether it be from the campus or the real world. Some lemons are just lemons. But at least you even have those lemons. Some don’t even have the chance to have lemons. Some don’t even have the chance to live.

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15 Responses to “A matter of perspective”

  1. Herp Derp Says:

    “really struck me that I was just an hour and a half too late. ”

    Do you not know anything about eBay, sir?

  2. Sherpa Derp Says:

    pfhahahahahahahahahahahahaha

  3. some guy Says:

    some guy who likes k-on thinks you’re a faggot

  4. Yuri Orlov ☭ !!6iiIpcvixpv Says:

    DONT YOU TALK SHIT ABOUT K-ON

  5. Saw this on /a/ Says:

    So you’re Filipino … That makes two of us.

    If you remember the Amagami thread where someone compared Haruka to Veronica and Kaoru to Betty, that was me. (I must be one of the few actually watching it – or rather the current story – for the plot.)

    Ahahaha.

  6. Cathie Dutka Says:

    This is a fantastic post. I’m always looking for relevant resources to show the retirement community, and your piece is absolutely worth sharing!

  7. Taka Says:

    That’s good if it works for you. For me though if I thought about the pain of a cancer ridden grandmother and compared them to my own problems instead of making me feel like I could move on, it would just drive me down into a hole of guilt. I was surprised at how apparently emotionally traumatic this experience with ebay was and agree on the whole it probably wasn’t healthy for you. On the other hand I feel that comparing say, the children starving in Africa to a person struggling with clinical depression would be rather unhealthy for that individual. There’s the perspective that there are worse things in life than your problems but there is also the perspective of knowing what you personally need to do to carry on. Sometimes it helps to keep things narrow.

  8. RyanA Says:

    Man was born to be discontented and incapable of enjoying what he currently has.

    I think that is one of the struggles, yes, but we can control it at times, even master it in some aspects. I would say that this pursuit towards specific items is okay, but in perspective there will be a lot more to deal with in the future. Personally, I would have went into the buy without holding onto the expectation, it’s more disappointing when our firm expectations aren’t meant. :<

  9. Michael Says:

    @Herp

    It was a buy-it-now.

    @Sherp

    Haha!

    @some guy

    I don’t like K-On, but I don’t find it hateful if people love it.

    @Yuri

    I’m not.

    @Saw

    I also watch it for the plot, and I understand your references. 🙂

    @Cathie

    Thanks.

    @Taka

    It wasn’t traumatic per se, but it was jarring and very depressing. I’m mostly over it now, so I disagree that it is traumatic. Thank you for the comment!

    @Ryan

    Yes! We try to forge on despite our shortcomings and our ill luck.

    There will always be a lot more to deal with in the future. I think that was my fault I was expecting something. Thank you for the comments. 🙂

  10. cebukitty Says:

    I wandered into this website googling for anime. I noticed I posted some comments here a couple years ago (like 2006) Its comforting to know that you’re still happilly (and sometimes unhappilly) blogging along.

    It’s been a rough year for me too. Friends dying, Family members getting seriously sick (dad with congestive heart failure, grandfater undergoing chemo) being haunted by the past, next door neighbors having a nervous breakdown and committing suicide. But though I’ve been seriously depressed, I never gave up the hope that things will get better. It’s shallow I know but animes and games and gadgets truly helped me from being overwhelmed by all the negativity going around. At least when my mind is directed towards these stuff, I’m NOT depressed. I think of it as cheap and enjoyable therapy. And it’s also important to remember that its not a crime to have some fun! 🙂

    I’ll leave you with a fave quote from Friedrich Nietzche “Those who have a why in life, can bear almost any how”

  11. Michael Says:

    I recall that you’ve been around for some time and then disappearing. You’ve been one of my consistent commentators especially on my Honey and Clover posts so I can’t really forget you. I don’t know how hard life is for you, but life still has good things in store for it, and everyday is actually just another gift for us.

    I use anime and games to get by as well. Medical school is no easy place to be.

    I love that Nietzsche quote. Thank you for the comment, cebukitty.

  12. Noella Genas Says:

    Let’s write history! you are challenged to make this painting worlds most exclusive. Forget van Gogh, Rembrandt because here you’ll truly find world’s most expensive painting. Good luck bidders and thank you press and world for your attention.

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