Ever since I obtained the Casio Loopy console I became privy to the reality of the possibility of getting the different video game consoles of yesteryear as long as I had the money. It was an epiphany that triggered a shopping spree that was neither merely petty obsession or impulse, but a maelstrom of both.
This is a cool game.
I absolutely refuse to call it an obsession, because obsessions are not sequestered in reality or rationality. They transcend both; in fact, they are irrational peregrinations into certain pleasures that can neither be controlled or placated. On the contrary, while I do purchase certain dubitable items off eBay (vintage video games, and vintage video game consoles), I do not purchase those items that are out of my reach, or unforgivably expensive for my status as a post-graduate student. I purchase items I know I can pay for and save for in addition to my desiring for them.
In the same vein, I refuse to call it an addiction anymore. Research into the psychology of addiction has made me realize that the fact I recognize and control my whims removes it from that definition. Despite my profligate nature with regard to the items that I have purchased, I have reined in a lot of my more stupid desires. Looking into myself, I can probably describe my current state (regarding eBay) as some sort of a chimera: the ability to be able to obtain the things that I wanted as a child dovetailed with my desires of youth does not bode really well. Understood from another lens, I know and recognize that what I spend is not money well-spent, but it is money that I spent and those things are things I own. It is a powerful feeling, one that has been welcome for nearly a year but is welcome no longer. I need to proceed to things that are more relevant and useful to me, or, if I can’t, at least on to things that are a lot cheaper.
The past few weeks, I have attempted to shift, once more, my passion for the video games of the past into the soap of the past. Soap is cheaper, after all, and it has served well as a new year’s resolution. However, when my mother called me, and I saw my Paypal account I realized I spent 30 dollars on soap. Just on soap. While it’s not an addiction, I realized that it was still a pretty stupid resolution and it does not really address the problem of me spending on useless stuff.
I’m looking for alternatives. I think I’ve watched a lot more anime the past month than the whole year combined, and it has helped a little, but not much. I want something unique that I can be passionate about without it harming my wallet in the long run. I know it ultimately boils down to self-discipline and a cathartic self-realization, but things are much easier said than done. I’m glad that I already made the progress of shifting the compulsion to something less harmful; now, however, I want to shift it to something productive.
Any suggestions? (Thanks for reading. )