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Chess and regrets

School wasn’t supposed to start last week: it was, after all, time for our University Sportsfest, and to allow students to focus purely on the friendly competition classes were suspended. The information was disseminated to our dean, however, a day before classes started. It was thus unavoidable that we had to have classes: doctors follow a rigid schedule, and to have an absence of classes during the week was going to make that a certainty.

I have been a fixture in the university chess competitions for the past three years. Aside from the fact that I was champion for my first two years in medicine, I just love playing chess. This year, however, I was beaten by a freshman: he ended up representing the first board in our round-robin competitions, and I didn’t mind that. I played second board last year as well, even when there were no other players on our team except me and my friend Kenneth.

It was honestly exhilarating. The previous two years I competed were merely excursions, especially because it wasn’t even a competition: I couldn’t even compete, because I was going solo in a team competition. Although I had good results, it didn’t translate to the record. The same happened last year: we were glad to have gleaned even just one point from it, because that one point was hard-earned. Of course, we lost horribly.

This year was different. The freshmen are a talented crew, and their representatives in chess are very good players. We were in the running for second place up to the very last battle, which unfortunately ended up in a draw because I lost. We needed a win I couldn’t give our team, and for that I was disappointed in myself. Finishing fourth place is no joke, however, and it was the best competition I have had for the past three years. Even though I had three losses, I had one of the best wins I ever had in my life, and that’s something no one could ever take away from me. Still, it would have been nice to be second or third and have a banner I could parade and be proud of. But at +6 -3 =1, there’s really nothing to be ashamed of.

Yes, I do recognize I fell a little short. When it was over I lost a bit of sleep just turning the game over and over again in my mind, hoping that I could have seen the mate coming, or hoping I could have moved better. There are just some things I could never change, and that’s one of them.

I actually think I still haven’t got over it, despite how perky I’m feeling nowadays. School’s already in its second week, and I still really haven’t even read any one page of my books. I don’t know why there’s this feeling of lethargy, but I think I just want to get medical school over with. I don’t even know if I’d pass that exam I just took, although I will try my best to make up for it the following week.

I haven’t watched anime over the weekend. I should change that.