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To question reason

I could have availed of an affordable set of vintage headphones but I removed my posted bid and opted instead to bid for a set of circa-WWII headphones instead.

Just because she's beautiful.

As someone purported to be rational, what is a cogent reason? Would the answer ‘I like it’ suffice? Because it’s not a question that seeks, after all, to dot the i’s and cross the t’s. I bid for it ultimately because I’m interested in it. The set may not even work, and I’m fully aware of that fact: it’s nearly a seventy-year old item, after all.

It’s just like what I’m doing with a girl I’m fond of right now: it’s a risk. There’s a massive chance that it will fail. There’s also a good chance that the headphones are red herrings. But what if it does work? Then I would have a working antique. What if I succeed?

I’ve grown up realizing that man can never be limited by his rationality. It’s a flight from my belief years ago, where I thought that man should only defined by the sharpness of his rationality. It makes up only a part of his being. I could explain this choice regarding the headphones as an idiosyncracy of my personality, being fond of collecting items of historical value. INTPs are known to be fond of items that remind them of important innovations in the past. I could peg myself into that box and explain myself with that. But that disregards my desire and my individuality as well as my particularity. That’s what I’ve learned through the years, from swerve of shore and bend of bay (… commodius vicus, etc).

This is what I learned after finally facing the music. After 23 years of running away, I finally tried to open my heart to impalement, and I found out that reason simply cannot address everything: it makes up a significant part of who we are as humans, and to some extent defines us, as I let it define me, but it does not make the entirety of our being. I’m no philosopher and don’t seek to explain concepts – this is just something I realized.

I can’t explain, honestly, why I liked that particular set of headphones, or this particular girl, or I can only do so in words that don’t do any of them justice. Words can say so much and yet say so little at the same time. I just know that no amount of casuistry can distill man as merely and only reason. We’re so much more than that.

I think that’s a level above thinking that man is not merely what he does: man is also not merely what he thinks about. It’s the magic of our humanity – and I can’t put that into words.