I know this isn’t the Chicken Soup for the Soul website, but I just wanted to share something personal today (it also ties in tangentially to my dearth of updates within these past few weeks). I was never a moralistic person, but I just wanted to share a part of myself today.
I have had a rough week.
Let me be entirely honest: to say that I have had a rough week is a little bit of an understatement, as it has only been one interminable disappointment. Imagine passing through a well-cemented road for the better part of the month only to transition, without any warning, into a pockmarked road with pebbles and rocks as its pimples.
I think it came to a head yesterday evening: I promised to swear myself off eBay and shifted my pastime into once again enjoying DotA, when I checked my e-mail a little into today’s early morning hours. What I saw was an absolute steal: there was an auction for untested Super Micro cartridges (yes, the system that I have been bragging about and obtained with the help of Crusader and Angelus), and they were all only for 15 dollars. I thought that was a very justifiable reason to break my avoidance of eBay as I have hunted for those cartridges for quite some time, only to discover that when I clicked the buy-it-now (about an hour and a half passed) it was already sold.
I was devastated, to say the least.
I really thought it was going to be the break I needed from all the disaster I have experienced in the past few weeks. On the contrary, however, it just added to my disappointments. I had a hard time sleeping and was very depressed: I even hoped that it would be resold for a still affordable price; I hoped that the systems didn’t work (since I think they were included too), but it nevertheless really struck me that I was just an hour and a half too late. I could have checked my mail at that exact time it came out, but I didn’t, and it just ate on me.
I am trying to be more mature as a person, however, and as such, I wanted to move on. I wanted to curse God yesterday, but it wasn’t His fault; I wanted to curse myself, but I could never know what was in store in my e-mail, and I really can’t fault happenstances as well. They just happen, whether one likes it or not.
The incident soured my mood the entire day, but I had already coped and moved forward somewhat by sharing this individual, but stupid plight to my friends. Having an emotional net of support is one of the best ways to cope, and I utilized it during the day.
I stopped think about the innocuous failures of my week, however, when one of my friends told me that one of my other friends’ grandmother killed herself. I was so malcontent with the accumulation of my little failures that I couldn’t even celebrate my health, the circumstances I was living in, my triumph against pneumonia little more than a month ago, and just life in general.
She was suffering from a terminal disease in her lungs. She probably couldn’t have borne it any longer, because she killed herself. I can’t imagine how shallow my devastation was compared to my friend’s disintegration. There will be the questions, but there will never be the answers, or they will never be answered completely, and that’s more tragic than any fucking vintage video game I want to collect. I felt so stupid when I knew this.
Don’t get me wrong, I would have loved to have bought that game lot cheaply. But beyond these material pursuits, beyond even one of my most outstanding pursuits, wisdom, I think one idea should be pursued above all the rest: it is the idea of perspective. Man was born to be discontented and incapable of enjoying what he currently has. He always forgets that every day he lives is another gift of fate, or God.
All he needs, however, is a matter of perspective: some people are worse off than us, even if we feel that we have had the hardest luck at that specific point in our lives. I think that if everyone imbibed and live this idea, there will still be discontentment and disappointment, but everyone can move forward in their lives and accept the good as well as the bad.
No life is ever rose-colored, whether it be from the campus or the real world. Some lemons are just lemons. But at least you even have those lemons. Some don’t even have the chance to have lemons. Some don’t even have the chance to live.